Hello everyone! This is the first of edition of Dissecting the 80s, with Tripp and Andrew, where the two of us are going to break down, discuss, heckle and just generally make fun of whatever we can find from the 1980s!
To start it off, we’re taking on the TWO-PART Cyndi Lauper music video for “The Goonies ‘R’ Good Enough,” which stars Cyndi, the cast of the movie, and a slew of WWF Wrestlers from the 1980s! Does it make sense? NOT REALLY! Is it a little bit racist? DEFINITELY! The video is below if you want to follow along/see for yourself, but it’s not 100% necessary.
Andrew: My favorite part is the idea that there was a previous part
like the “when I last saw Cyndi”
Tripp: Cookies with gas seems like the worst promo, no?
This room is so smoky
I bet that’s a reference to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”
Andrew: Amazing on screen text
Tripp: Captain Lou Albano played her dad in that video
We should investigate!
Andrew: oh yeah! and she pinned his arm behind his back
Tripp: lovely foreshadowing with the vegetable wrestling ring
Andrew: I don’t know why he’s got rubber bands all over his face
Tripp: That was literally his character
they weren’t really creative
really racist, over the top Sheik for Iron Sheik
jerky Scot in Rowdy Roddy Piper, all of whom just happen to be in this limo, also
Andrew: Are these all like super topical references if you know 80s wrestling?
Tripp: I mean, somewhat?
Andrew: Like make a suitcase out of your face?
Tripp: I know who most of these guys are
Go i think that was meant to be
And make a suitcase, like pack one
Andrew: WHY IS THERE A HIBACHI
Tripp: Now you know it’s the 1980s
Andrew: ON WHEELS
Tripp: It was an 80s fad, of course
I think that hood shutting on you would break your ribs
Andrew: goonies hat on the guy in the hood
Tripp: Old car hoods are heavy as hell
Serving the cow its own milk?
Andrew: Is that supposed to be seen as a real cow?
cause he’s clearly milking it
Tripp: hahaha, it is milkable
so I’ll go with yes
I like that they’re moving out and Cyndi is just carrying animal shaped things – sheep lamp, ceramic dog.
You know, the basics
Andrew: were they living at this gas station?
Andrew: what is that hole?
oh it’s a cave
Tripp: NOW WE KNOW WHY ITS SO SMOKY
Andrew: thanks text!
Tripp: so much fog!
the singing skeleton is amazing
Andrew: oh hey it’s the cast of The Goonies!
in matching t-shirts!
Tripp: with an identical map?
why do they both need a map
if they are identical?
Andrew: he Xeroxed it on his ship
Andrew: always make duplicates
pirate codex rule 1
Tripp: I mean, his name is one-eyed willie
he can’t even see two maps
Andrew: where is the swamp witch coming from!
Tripp: I llike how the WWF villains play the pirates and themselves as villains
Oh look, a hole! let’s also climb through!
Andrew: I want to know how those two relate to Cyndi
Tripp: of course she doesn’t notice a skeleton before she sits down
wow the skeleton is helping the bad guys
Andrew: it’s the second skeleton she’s seen in a minute
wow a wench?
Tripp: right? i feel like it should be less impactful
BETTER GRAB A SNACK
Andrew: last chance
Andrew: like Last Hibachi for 3 miles
Tripp: wow, was that a racist subtitle?
Tripp: Cyndi Lopa?
Andrew: non subtle subtitle
Tripp: it was the 80s, so you could be racist against asian people still I guess
Andrew: oh hey! Steven Spielberg!
Tripp: How much cocaine did they give him to get him to do this?
20, 30 lbs?
Andrew: I feel like it was the boat scene at the end just with coke and not jewels
Tripp: hahaha, he’s just dumping it into a bag?
Andrew: and when he went to take the coke off the scale Mikey said, no don’t
that’s One-Eyed Willie’s
that’s why he has no nose (Ed. Note: We’re referring to One-Eyed Willie, not Spielberg – keep your lawyers at home Steve!)
Tripp: cocaine’d it away
also, before we start part 2
let’s just make this clear
Andrew: like Stevie Nicks almost did
this two-part video is roughly 1/10 of The Goonies movie
its 12 minutes!
Andrew: And it still tells the same story just without any kids talking
Tripp: but if you hadn’t seen Goonies, it’s just straight spoilers
major action pieces!
Andrew: yeah, because spoilers on the Goonies are real legit
you don’t know if these kids are gonna be murdered
Tripp: there was no internet then!
it could have been darker
Andrew: it was a summer kids movie!
about a hidden treasure and beating rich people
Tripp: I’m just saying, the pirate ship scene is 100% ruined
by this video
Andrew: OK, fair enough
Is that voice olmek?
from legends of the hidden temple?
Tripp: I can’t tell – it’s pretty close
it also sounds a little like 1980s Vince McMahon, but I really don’t think it is
Andrew: also you can’t just say “dave and wendy” like we ever learned their names
Tripp: so the pirates capture her and the kids
Andrew: and dave and wendy!
Tripp: and then they make her carry water
Andrew: and serve drinks?
are they doing laundry?
Tripp: Data and Chunk are not well choreographed
no they’re making sushi!
poor Martha Plimpton
Andrew: poor octopus!
it was supposed to be his big break!
Tripp: they clearly made this video before the studio executives were like…the octopus scene was a joke, right?
Andrew: or after, it was the 80s and Cyndi was pretty wacky
Tripp: oh here, have an octopus bit
how did dave escape?!
did chunk just hulk up and break metal off his neck!?
Andrew: how did any of them escape?!
I’m pretty sure he did
Tripp: chunk literally just did a Hulk Hogan
and it exploded
Andrew: oh the water slide that the pirates built for no reason
Tripp: I love that they felt the need to pad this already 10 minute video with long montages
Oh, heres segments from the movie!
Andrew: and a luau party?
Tripp: the song isn’t even a song anymore
it’s just weird noises
the kids are wearing green fur hobbit feet?
Andrew: yes. yes they are.
also does she actually say Goonies?
I always hear “for you it’s good enough”
Tripp: she definitely does in the movie credits, I think
I wonder if that’s the real song
and they were like
“For you” is two syllables
“Goonies” is two syllables
just go with it
ANDRE THE GIANT!
Andrew: she wrote Taffy Butt so clearly she’s up for anything
Tripp: Unfortunately at the “I can barely walk” stage of his life
Andrew: but still menacing
Tripp: also what the hell is he wearing?
Andrew: he looks like a Conan the Barbarian cos-player
Tripp: that car Piper just tried to get into was clearly not part of the set
I think it was just a random person crossing by
Tripp: he just frightened some poor old woman
who just wanted free cookies with her gas
Andrew: he’s a man in a kilt making weird faces
he frightened me
you shut your mouth talking about the Piper.
Andrew: were there ANY wrestling references in the movie?
Tripp: Not a one
but Cyndi was involved with the WWF
Andrew: or was it just “hey kids love WWF”
oh that’s right!
Tripp: it was like cross promotional stuff
also sloth wasn’t in the video
Andrew: no but Andre the giant was
Tripp: hahahaha, are you saying they’re the same?!
Andrew: so in terms of giant men in weird outfits with funny faces they covered their bases
Tripp: hahaha. Awesome.
did you know that she stopped playing this song in the late 80s?
Andrew: hahaha just saying
I did know that
Tripp: And people nagged her so much
she finally started singing like a verse and the chorus once acappella
and people were like
NO, DAMN IT WE WANT THE SONG
so now she plays it every night
Andrew: that’s hilarious
I want to hear her sing Taffy Butt live
That’s from 2011
she apparently did Taffy Butt because her kids love Bob’s Burgers
Andrew: that’s amazing
Tripp: she’s singing for you in that, too
also she looks like death
all leather is not a smart choice in hot weather
Andrew: she looks like a chunky Marilyn Manson
wait apparently she never says the word Goonies in the song
the studio execs tacked that on to the title for her
Andrew: Also, she was supposed to get a show on like A&E or something
Tripp: really? For what?!
Andrew: yeah! like her life story
like “Life according to Cyndi” or something
Tripp: I cannot imagine a more needless program
Andrew: I wanted to say like “The Seven Deadly Cyns” but that’s an album
I’d watch it
Tripp: I would watch The Seven Deadly Cyns
but it has to be her in different outfits
pretending to be different people
Andrew: that’s one of her old albums!
Tripp: no it’s 12 Deadly Cyns, according to the internet.
7 would have been so much better
Andrew: I was close
but I’m assuming it has 12 songs on it
Andrew: and a 7 song album doesn’t make sense
Tripp: the woman wrestler in that video
Andrew: the old lady yelling at the vegetables?
Tripp: was The Fabulous Moolah
there’s her and her friend Mae Young
in a scene where Mae, who’s gotta be roughly 85 in that clip
gives birth…to a hand.
Andrew: I’m curious now
Tripp: because even in the year 2000…the world didn’t make a lot of sense.
Thus concludes Dissecting the 80s, With Tripp and Andrew, Part 1.